The Big Sister

When I was 12 or 13 I turned on the television. It was late, probably midnight or one. That doesn’t seem so late to me now, but I should not have been awake when I had to get up and go to middle school the next day. I flipped through the channels. I did this a lot. I liked being up while the rest of my family was asleep and the house was quiet. I felt grownup and independent.

I stopped on Howard Stern. I had seen his face before and I knew he was known for his raunchy shows. I was intrigued and I decided to watch. He had a woman on and was talking to her about her vagina. She had just had something called a labiaplasty. They showed a picture of what her genitals looked like before. Her inner labia, the inside lips of her vagina were large- they extended beyond her outer lips. She then pulled down her pants to show “after.” Her inner labia had been trimmed, almost all the way. They were barely even visible. Everyone complimented her on how nice her new porn star look was and she grinned into the camera and talked about how great she felt.

I sat there for a minute, not knowing what to think. My labia looked like the before picture. I had convinced myself when I was younger that I had made them that way by touching myself. I had figured out that this was silly, but now all of a sudden I had a reason to be self conscious about them again. My vagina was ugly. How had I not known?

I remained self conscious about my large labia for years. I felt like a freak, like it was something only a few people dealt with, and that it was something to be taken care of. It wasn’t until I mentioned this offhand to a partner when I was about 16, and he said it wasn’t weird at all, that I looked into it.

I found out that labia come in all shapes and sizes. I even found sites dedicated to people who LOVE large labias.

An increasing number of labiaplasties are being performed, though. Plastic surgeons are playing on girls’ and womens’ insecurities and encouraging them to have the procedure to “improve” their genitals.

An article at womensenews.org says:

Labiaplasty was once the domain of sex workers, nude entertainers, nude models, swimsuit models and the occasional woman who needed her labia reduced for medical reasons such as infection or pain. Not anymore. Doctors have reported that women from every walk of life and from ages 15 to 75 are having labia and cosmetic vaginal surgery.

Many doctors who perform the surgeries say while there are some women who opt for the surgery because they are unhappy or their labia has caused them physical discomfort, the bulk of the women getting this surgery are ultimately being pressured by men who want them to conform to a idea of beauty most often seen in the porn industry. Doctors say these women request the procedure because they are afraid of having “old looking” vaginas. Doctors Loftus and Young say feedback from male partners is the number one reason women request the surgery.

“The most common reason we hear is that they have had a negative comment made by a male sexual partner. Women are made to feel that they are not perfect the way they are and often it’s the partner that sets this off,” Loftus said.

This is not ok. Women need to know that their genitals are normal and beautiful, regardless of the size of their labias.

Even if you do experience discomfort, there are steps you can take before resorting to surgery. GoAskAlice suggests:

• wearing looser-fitting clothing or even skirts with nothing on underneath
• sleeping without underwear, in only a nightshirt or in the nude
• wearing only white, 100 percent cotton underwear and avoiding wearing undergarments made of nylon, acetate, or other synthetic fibers
• washing your vulva gently with plain warm water
• avoiding feminine hygiene sprays and deodorants, oils, bathing products, and/or talcum powder
• using non-deodorant tampons instead of sanitary pads during your period
• using plain, rather than flavored and/or scented, lubes, condoms, and/or dams
• talking with your health care provider about vaginal moisturizers

If you still experience problems like rubbing during sex or everyday activities, speak to your doctor about solutions. Be sure though, that you are talking to someone who is genuinely concerned with your wellbeing and not out to capitalize on your uncertainties about what society tells you your body should look like.

I am 22 now, and I still get self-conscious about my labia sometimes. I have to remind myself that there is nothing “normal” about having someone cut up my genitals, and that there is nothing abnormal about the way I look naturally. Like many issues of body image and self-esteem, it is an ongoing battle. I hope this article can help you with yours.

This entry was written becca, posted on Wednesday, December 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pm and is filed under Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.